NRR: local news

**Saint Jude** · 20-05-2012, 10:51 AM

Bears dare for Jubilee celebration

Published on Tuesday 1 May 2012 07:00

A TEDDY bear zip wire from the top of the parish church spire will be part of Wood Ditton’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations on Sunday, June 3.

Organiser Simon Gale said: “St Mary’s Church Council has agreed to host a once-in-a-lifetime event for your special teddy bear.

“Any bears brave enough will have the opportunity to be strapped on and scoot to the floor. Nervous carers can be assured that full first aid facilities will be on hand, and that photos will be taken during descent, so the happy memories live on.”

The event is open to all, with donations going towards new toilet facilities for the church.

Contact Simon on 01638 731400 for more information.

**Brainbomb** · 20-05-2012, 11:13 PM

^

What? Who gets an idea like that?

**Brainbomb** · 21-05-2012, 02:48 PM

Local news:

3 people spent the Friday evening in a house. When they went to bed a 40 year old woman peed on a 21 year old man. She was then asked to leave the house. She refused and was thrown into a wall. The peed on and the thrown are pressing charges against each other.

**relkeel** · 21-05-2012, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by babycart

Adequate public lighting vs disabled access dilemma

Que?
Pissing in the dark.

**relkeel** · 21-05-2012, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

Local news:

3 people spent the Friday evening in a house. When they went to bed a 40 year old woman peed on a 21 year old man. She was then asked to leave the house. She refused and was thrown into a wall. The peed on and the thrown are pressing charges against each other.

Pissing in the dark.

**Saint Jude** · 21-05-2012, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

^

What? Who gets an idea like that?

Simon Gale of course.

This report is even better, as it has a photo (on page 9)!
http://tinyurl.com/bnhxxr8

**relkeel** · 26-05-2012, 03:53 PM

Aberdeen Woman Stops Drinking For A Month.

Remarkable.

**alanmck** · 02-07-2012, 02:33 PM

from today's Grauniad (strung from PA):

"Millions in mid-Atlantic still without power after devastating weekend storm".

**babycart** · 02-07-2012, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by alanmck

from today's Grauniad (strung from PA):

"Millions in mid-Atlantic still without power after devastating weekend storm".

my electricity's fine despite a fairly strong breeze on Saturday

**Rich Hero** · 03-07-2012, 05:02 PM

Is the Grauniad local?

This is more like it. I'm slightly surprised that the copy writers couldn't crowbar in any Star Wars related puns.

**Expiry2011** · 03-07-2012, 05:18 PM

perhaps this should go in GK's How I'd Like to Go Thread???

**babycart** · 03-07-2012, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Rich Hero

Is the Grauniad local?

This is more like it. I'm slightly surprised that the copy writers couldn't crowbar in any Star Wars related puns.

Joda is also the subjunctive form of the Spanish verb meaning 'fuck'.

**Brainbomb** · 13-07-2012, 10:44 AM

http://translate.google.com/translat...leid%3D7809535

**eine** · 13-07-2012, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

http://translate.google.com/translat...leid%3D7809535

Security guards locked aggressive fox

is obviously the story there - can't see why the editor ran it so low down the page

**Brainbomb** · 13-07-2012, 11:10 AM

Hehe - didn't even see that...

**babycart** · 13-07-2012, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

http://translate.google.com/translat...leid%3D7809535

"Naked men noshing each other in the street? Stain-blooded during jogging? Thriving rats? Angry foxes? Kannibaldrogen? What is happening to Sweden?"

**ashra** · 19-07-2012, 01:06 PM

A Derbyshire football club's stadium is being renamed The Devil Made Me Do It Ground after a local tattoo studio won a raffle to provide a new name.

"It's a nice wacky name and it's created a lot of interest."

**Brainbomb** · 09-09-2012, 11:56 PM

Burglar ate detergent...

http://translate.google.com/translat...-soffa&act=url

**babycart** · 10-09-2012, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

Burglar ate detergent...

http://translate.google.com/translat...-soffa&act=url

To be honest, Google translate makes almost every news item look bizarre.
I'm enjoying Fewer Calls For Mushroom Poisoning, Garbage From the 70s to be Sorted and MS Sufferers Hits Doctors Too Seldom.

**Brainbomb** · 11-09-2012, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by babycart

To be honest, Google translate makes almost every news item look bizarre.
I'm enjoying Fewer Calls For Mushroom Poisoning, Garbage From the 70s to be Sorted and MS Sufferers Hits Doctors Too Seldom.

I know. How about this then: http://translate.google.com/translat...nerade&act=url

**eine** · 16-09-2012, 02:52 PM

Here is my moment in the local press, complete with quotes I never said (post punk and burgers???). And a mention to e3sa934 too, not in proportion to the amount of work he's done, which is loads!!!

**Plainstone** · 16-09-2012, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by eine

Here is my moment in the local press,

Shame they couldnae get the title right, though

**Brainbomb** · 16-09-2012, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by eine

Here is my moment in the local press, complete with quotes I never said (post punk and burgers???). And a mention to e3sa934 too, not in proportion to the amount of work he's done, which is loads!!!

I'm disappointed - that's genuinely proper news and interesting. Not something about a fire in a bin being put out with a bucket of water on main street or a naked man driving a car through a smalltown.

**Plainstone** · 16-09-2012, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Brainbomb

I know. How about this then: http://translate.google.com/translat...nerade&act=url

Now the first line of that story could be taken in either of two ways ...

**eine** · 26-10-2012, 10:52 AM

Via Viz:

Silly string attack on boy carrying owl

**Lord Thames** · 27-10-2012, 09:33 AM

Petersfield baffled by toilet frog mystery:

http://www.petersfieldpost.co.uk/new...ilet-1-4391795

Wildlife experts think it could've been brought in by a cat or dog - but the lady doesn't have one.

**themightyac** · 08-11-2012, 09:27 AM

One for Babycart ... there's another twilight film out, so you know Cathy is on the case with her mobile tattoo gallery - legs next!
http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2...ht_tattoo_saga

**babycart** · 08-11-2012, 10:04 AM

A Twilight fan with a-tattoo-de

Brilliant. The hacking scandal may have tainted the reputation of British journalism , but as long as provincial journalists are turning out laboured puns there's still hope.

Cathy looks younger and happier with every tattoo. I'd happily chuck her a fiver for her legs.