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Thread: NRR: local news

  1. #61
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    Local news:

    3 people spent the Friday evening in a house. When they went to bed a 40 year old woman peed on a 21 year old man. She was then asked to leave the house. She refused and was thrown into a wall. The peed on and the thrown are pressing charges against each other.
    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  2. #62
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    Que?
    Pissing in the dark.
    record licker

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brainbomb View Post
    Local news:

    3 people spent the Friday evening in a house. When they went to bed a 40 year old woman peed on a 21 year old man. She was then asked to leave the house. She refused and was thrown into a wall. The peed on and the thrown are pressing charges against each other.
    Pissing in the dark.
    record licker

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brainbomb View Post
    ^

    What? Who gets an idea like that?
    Simon Gale of course.

    This report is even better, as it has a photo (on page 9)!
    http://tinyurl.com/bnhxxr8
    it's OK to head out for wonderful, but on your way to wonderful, you're gonna have to pass through all right. When you get to all right,
    take a good look around and get used to it, because that may be as far as you're gonna go.

  5. #65
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    Aberdeen Woman Stops Drinking For A Month.

    Remarkable.
    record licker

  6. #66
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    from today's Grauniad (strung from PA):

    "Millions in mid-Atlantic still without power after devastating weekend storm".

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by alanmck View Post
    from today's Grauniad (strung from PA):

    "Millions in mid-Atlantic still without power after devastating weekend storm".
    my electricity's fine despite a fairly strong breeze on Saturday
    I hope not. That would make me the Jimmy Savile of the record racks.

  8. #68
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    Lightbulb

    Is the Grauniad local?

    This is more like it. I'm slightly surprised that the copy writers couldn't crowbar in any Star Wars related puns.
    You freeking scientologists are all the same, quible, dribble and then demand ice creams. Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

  9. #69
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    "Record collecting is no mere hobby, no innocuous leisurely diversion. It is a feverish passion bordering on dementia, driving those under the influence to irrational, compulsive, fanatical extremes."

    Night of the Living Vinyl

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rich Hero View Post
    Is the Grauniad local?

    This is more like it. I'm slightly surprised that the copy writers couldn't crowbar in any Star Wars related puns.
    Joda is also the subjunctive form of the Spanish verb meaning 'fuck'.
    I hope not. That would make me the Jimmy Savile of the record racks.

  11. #71
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    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  12. #72
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    Security guards locked aggressive fox
    is obviously the story there - can't see why the editor ran it so low down the page
    Spirit Duplicatorócollectable, charming, affordable... and also socially networked on FB / Twitter / Instagram.

  13. #73
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    Hehe - didn't even see that...
    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  14. #74
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    "Naked men noshing each other in the street? Stain-blooded during jogging? Thriving rats? Angry foxes? Kannibaldrogen? What is happening to Sweden?"
    I hope not. That would make me the Jimmy Savile of the record racks.

  15. #75
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    A Derbyshire football club's stadium is being renamed The Devil Made Me Do It Ground after a local tattoo studio won a raffle to provide a new name.



    "It's a nice wacky name and it's created a lot of interest."
    MUSHRUMPS Daily party-prog MP3 blog

  16. #76
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    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brainbomb View Post
    To be honest, Google translate makes almost every news item look bizarre.
    I'm enjoying Fewer Calls For Mushroom Poisoning, Garbage From the 70s to be Sorted and MS Sufferers Hits Doctors Too Seldom.
    I hope not. That would make me the Jimmy Savile of the record racks.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by babycart View Post
    To be honest, Google translate makes almost every news item look bizarre.
    I'm enjoying Fewer Calls For Mushroom Poisoning, Garbage From the 70s to be Sorted and MS Sufferers Hits Doctors Too Seldom.
    I know. How about this then: http://translate.google.com/translat...nerade&act=url
    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  19. #79
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    Here is my moment in the local press, complete with quotes I never said (post punk and burgers???). And a mention to e3sa934 too, not in proportion to the amount of work he's done, which is loads!!!
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  20. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by eine View Post
    Here is my moment in the local press,
    Shame they couldnae get the title right, though
    https://oneboxrecordfair.wordpress.com/
    http://twitter.com/#!/obrftokyo
    https://instagram.com/obrftokyo/
    https://www.facebook.com/Its-Time-Fo...5685810999497/

    Formerly, lecturer at the University of Rome, with two commas and a full stop in the normal way.

    (=^ェ^=)

  21. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by eine View Post
    Here is my moment in the local press, complete with quotes I never said (post punk and burgers???). And a mention to e3sa934 too, not in proportion to the amount of work he's done, which is loads!!!
    I'm disappointed - that's genuinely proper news and interesting. Not something about a fire in a bin being put out with a bucket of water on main street or a naked man driving a car through a smalltown.

    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  22. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brainbomb View Post
    Now the first line of that story could be taken in either of two ways ...
    https://oneboxrecordfair.wordpress.com/
    http://twitter.com/#!/obrftokyo
    https://instagram.com/obrftokyo/
    https://www.facebook.com/Its-Time-Fo...5685810999497/

    Formerly, lecturer at the University of Rome, with two commas and a full stop in the normal way.

    (=^ェ^=)

  23. #83
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  24. #84
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    Petersfield baffled by toilet frog mystery:

    http://www.petersfieldpost.co.uk/new...ilet-1-4391795

    Wildlife experts think it could've been brought in by a cat or dog - but the lady doesn't have one.

  25. #85
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    One for Babycart ... there's another twilight film out, so you know Cathy is on the case with her mobile tattoo gallery - legs next!
    http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2...ht_tattoo_saga
    Tracks & Grooves - Last Thursday of each month at MILK, Merchants Place, Reading. All-style vinyl throwdown.
    follow the dilletante @tracksgrooves

  26. #86
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    A Twilight fan with a-tattoo-de

    Brilliant. The hacking scandal may have tainted the reputation of British journalism , but as long as provincial journalists are turning out laboured puns there's still hope.

    Cathy looks younger and happier with every tattoo. I'd happily chuck her a fiver for her legs.
    I hope not. That would make me the Jimmy Savile of the record racks.

  27. #87
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    Exclamation

    You freeking scientologists are all the same, quible, dribble and then demand ice creams. Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

  28. #88
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    From popbitch, but too good to resist posting here. Or has local news eaten itself?

    Disabled granny attacked by ferret as she rode mobility scooter in Bingham
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  29. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by eine View Post
    From popbitch, but too good to resist posting here. Or has local news eaten itself?

    Disabled granny attacked by ferret as she rode mobility scooter in Bingham
    My jaws are aching from laughing - comedy gold.


    Graham Harrison, 52 who lives on Hill Drive where the incident took place has two ferrets, but said that his were locked away.
    record licker

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