Worst idea for a song

**BoneyVotel** · 27-07-2006, 04:05 PM

The Onion Song.
What on earth were Ashford & Simpson thinking of??
"The World is just a Great Big Onion"
"Plant Love Seeds to get rid of this Great Big Onion"
Even Marvin & Tammi can't make it good.

Anyone trump this?

**beddoes** · 27-07-2006, 04:12 PM

Ebony and Ivory

**babycart** · 27-07-2006, 04:12 PM

'If I had a Hammer'... well, go and buy one then. Twelve quid from B&Q's hardly a high price to pay for peace and love all over this land is it?

**john stapleton** · 27-07-2006, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by babycart

'If I had a Hammer'... well, go and buy one then. Twelve quid from B&Q's hardly a high price to pay for peace and love all over this land is it?

personally I could do without people hammering in the morning, if you get my drift...

**Rush-goalie** · 27-07-2006, 04:16 PM

The worst thing about that version of the 'Onion song' is that they sing it like they're being soooo bloody hilarious

**bongolia** · 27-07-2006, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by BoneyVotel

The Onion Song.
What on earth were Ashford & Simpson thinking of??
"The World is just a Great Big Onion"
"Plant Love Seeds to get rid of this Great Big Onion"
Even Marvin & Tammi can't make it good.

supposedly Valerie Simpson is the vocalist on all but two of the tracks on that Marvin & Tammi LP, including that one, Tammi Terrell being too ill at the time, just before her death...

**peretti** · 27-07-2006, 04:20 PM

I nominate Joe Smooth for a terrible song about his dead dog, Sammy, from his utterly forgetable Rejoice album. The song's called Sammy (I Really Miss You). And Joe really misses him: "Remember when we used to go for walks in the park...?" Maybe I just have a heart of jet.

This album is dedicated to God, and to Jesus Christ in the name of our Lord, my mother, my family, my friends, my dog Sammy (who passed away), the oppressed people of South Africa, and positivity. Joe Smooth

**Rich Hero** · 27-07-2006, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by bongolia

supposedly Valerie Simpson is the vocalist on all but two of the tracks on that Marvin & Tammi LP, including that one, Tammi Terrell being too ill at the time, just before her death...

That doesn't make 'The Onion Song' any better though, Michael.

**Sie-Fly** · 27-07-2006, 04:22 PM

on an onion related topic-susan christie-i love onions...........

i cooked for somebody who was allergic to onions once-he was a real tosser and i was so tempted tp push him into onion hell.

**Sie-Fly** · 27-07-2006, 04:23 PM

ferry aid - farm aid - live aid....................ok not bad ideas but the songs

**LDJB** · 27-07-2006, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by Rich Hero

That doesn't make 'The Onion Song' any better though, Michael.

I like the Onion Song

**emperor tomato ketchup** · 27-07-2006, 04:51 PM

What about 70's Euro-tosser Oliver Onions?

Actually I have a 7" by him which has a surprisingly good bside.

**bongolia** · 27-07-2006, 04:51 PM

i meant to post the onion fact on the 'finds' thread where Mr Boney found the record, but got muddled up...

for ages i got it confused with 'Glass Onion' by the Beatles, so was disappointed when i heard the Onion Song for that reason anyway, and still can't remember how it goes. don't think i've ever played that side of my 45 either...

**Stoneface** · 27-07-2006, 05:00 PM

How bout 'Timothy' by The Buoys

Nothin like a little cannibalism to get 'um out on the floor

**maWhie** · 27-07-2006, 05:04 PM

leon haywood - if your looking for a night of fun (look past me, im not the one) !!

I bet leons a great laugh really, once you get to know him like.

**wayne** · 27-07-2006, 05:13 PM

Ah 'The Onion Song' - between that and 'Rubber Ball' (a chorus that goes 'bouncy bouncy, bouncy bouncy' is hard to argue with) playing all through my childhood I guess, well, it could've been worse. You know, like Elton John worse. Or 'Tales Of Topographic Oceans' worse. Or something.

I've always found 'Tell Laura I Love Her' to be a hilarious song - that's one hell of a dying breath he musters for the final chorus. If he had that much left in his lungs he'd have lived, surely?

Problem with really bad ideas for songs is that they often stray accidentally into genius. Like that one on 'Nuggets' about the guy losing a limb, or pretty much everything on the first Jungle Exotica comp..."Bongo Bongo Bongo I Don't Wanna Leave The Congo...". So bad it's bulletproof.

**Rich Hero** · 27-07-2006, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by LDJB

I like the Onion Song

I'm often wrong about things, Lee...

**alanmck** · 27-07-2006, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by maWhie

leon haywood - if your looking for a night of fun (look past me, im not the one) !!

I bet leons a great laugh really, once you get to know him like.

never heard that one, he must have had an off day. after all, he did also git naughty on 'i wanna do something freaky with you'. and funk fans will remember him for Soul Machine's 'bag of goodies' / 'twitchie feet' on pzazz.

**ginghamkitchen** · 27-07-2006, 05:41 PM

My band used to have a song about the exploitation of third world women by the sex industry called 'Asian Babes' which was a cross between 'September Gurls' & 'California Girls' - although it was one of our best, we had to drop it in the end simply because of the amount of offence it seemed to cause people. In actual fact, it was liberal in the extreme, but people never saw past the title. Same story with 'When Love Is Gay' the song that effectively ended my musical career.

**francis** · 27-07-2006, 06:19 PM

that uk rap song called 'visions of ryan', can't remember who its by, never heard, said to be a song about - possibly from the perspective of? - hungerford killer michael ryan.

Mr Lawnge's 'classic' 'I thought it was a fart' is about following through. although i actually quite want that now, i thinkits quite good and funny too.

**maWhie** · 27-07-2006, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by alanmck

never heard that one, he must have had an off day. after all, he did also git naughty on 'i wanna do something freaky with you'. and funk fans will remember him for Soul Machine's 'bag of goodies' / 'twitchie feet' on pzazz.

it's a load of crapola no way as good as 'freaky with you' , its trashy disco and the sad depressing song title just doesn't go with the whole disco thing

edit*
what about
Daz

**Sie-Fly** · 27-07-2006, 06:40 PM

...........you mean 'moulty' by the Barbarians-a tragic song that i can't bear to ever hear again.

**Lord Thames** · 27-07-2006, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by emperor tomato ketchup

What about 70's Euro-tosser Oliver Onions?

Actually I have a 7" by him which has a surprisingly good bside.

Little known fact - a fairly large proportion of Oliver Onions' work was co-written by the sister of Tory MP (and ex-party leader) Iain Duncan Smith.

Well, most of you lot probably knew that anyway, but never mind.........

**beddoes** · 27-07-2006, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by Lord Thames

Little known fact - a fairly large proportion of Oliver Onions' work was co-written by the sister of Tory MP (and ex-party leader) Iain Duncan Smith.

Well, most of you lot probably knew that anyway, but never mind.........

A perhaps even more obscure fact: one of the three or four greatest writers of ghost stories in the English language was Oliver Onions, whose early 20th century "The Beckoning Fair One" remains the story to beat, in my opinion.

**someblokecalledfuz** · 27-07-2006, 08:02 PM

Now, I do a bit of work in the radio world these days and I've learned not to *really* listen to the music, and concentrate on the job i'm doing...

But one song that manages to bypass my defences and grates like a mutha f*cker every time I hear it is that Black Eyed Peas one...

It goes 'My Lumps, my lumps ,my lovely lady lumps...' I mean it's just plain rubbish and worse *embarasing*.

Worst song ever, no sense of irony or fun.

**effi_deep** · 27-07-2006, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by someblokecalledfuz

Black Eyed Peas one...

It goes 'My Lumps, my lumps ,my lovely lady lumps...' I mean it's just plain rubbish and worse *embarasing*.

they're total rubbish anyway! they're really killing my nerves! worst thing that entered the charts in (at least) the last ten years, i mean it!

**Lord Thames** · 27-07-2006, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by someblokecalledfuz

Now, I do a bit of work in the radio world these days and I've learned not to *really* listen to the music, and concentrate on the job i'm doing...

I know the feeling - how's the wireless work going then, Fuz?

As for the Black Eyed Peas - you have to work pretty hard to do a bad version of 'Mas Que Nada', but by god they've done it! Good job the stations I work for aren't cool enough to play them, really......

**john stapleton** · 27-07-2006, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by someblokecalledfuz

one song that manages to bypass my defences and grates like a mutha f*cker every time I hear it is that Black Eyed Peas one...

It goes 'My Lumps, my lumps ,my lovely lady lumps...' I mean it's just plain rubbish and worse *embarasing*.

Worst song ever, no sense of irony or fun.

ahem.

"What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
But I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got u,
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

She's got me spendin'.
Spendin all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me."

[Will.i.am]

yep, complete piece of shit in every way.

**maWhie** · 27-07-2006, 09:44 PM

heh heh

**Ian Townsend** · 27-07-2006, 09:55 PM

Originally Posted by peretti

I nominate Joe Smooth for a terrible song about his dead dog, Sammy, from his utterly forgetable Rejoice album. The song's called Sammy (I Really Miss You). And Joe really misses him: "Remember when we used to go for walks in the park...?" Maybe I just have a heart of jet.

This album is dedicated to God, and to Jesus Christ in the name of our Lord, my mother, my family, my friends, my dog Sammy (who passed away), the oppressed people of South Africa, and positivity. Joe Smooth

Similar to the truly dreadful Henry Gross hit called Shannon where Henry recounts losing his dog when it swam out to sea too far and drowned.

Chorus:
Shannon is gone away
He drifted out to sea.
He always loved to swim and play.

Maybe he'll find an island
With a shady tree
Just like the one in our backyard.

Or the Bobby Goldsboro song where he reminisces about a lost love and a day they spent at the zoo.

Well the tigers forgot you
The lions forgot you
And even the kangaroo.
But me and the elephants
We still remember you......

Beautiful man. They don't write them like that anymore.