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  • NRR: local news

    I know some of you enjoy these so here's two from todays newspaper about what's happening in tehe countryside outside the city where I live:

    A woman reports she was attacked with toads, two men approached her car when she drove slowly and threw toads through the open window causing her to crash with a tree.

    Many people complain about a horrible stench in some neighborhood. The source has been tracked down to a dead llama hidden by his owner under a wheelbarrow in his garden.
    "Only one thought left, that makes me come alive,
    and that is you and me side by side, on the licorice ride"

  • #2


    A man from Rotherham recently phoned my wife (who was working emergency 999 calls) to report that he had bought a German Cauliflower, and to ask whether he should he drop it off at the station to be tested for e-coli.
    SPIRIT DUPLICATOR Est 2015.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ginghamkitchen View Post


      A man from Rotherham recently phoned my wife (who was working emergency 999 calls) to report that he had bought a German Cauliflower, and to ask whether he should he drop it off at the station to be tested for e-coli.
      E-cauli, surely
      In ((( VISUAL ))) Stereo

      Eclectic Mud


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      • #4
        Originally posted by someblokecalledfuz View Post
        E-cauli, surely
        Boooooooo

        (remind me to fetch you a slap at Eclectic Mud)

        "..hole...road...middle thereof"

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Brainbomb View Post
          A woman reports she was attacked with toads, two men approached her car when she drove slowly and threw toads through the open window causing her to crash with a tree.
          Kind of the other way round I suppose, but does anyone remember the spate of vegetable attacks in East London in the late 80s/early 90s? People being felled by various root veg thrown from moving vehicles.
          https://oneboxrecordfair.wordpress.com/
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          Formerly, lecturer at the University of Rome, with two commas and a full stop in the normal way.

          (=^ェ^=)

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          • #6
            local papers used this as a model surely

            http://www.framleyexaminer.com
            Over twelve hundred farts in screwtop jars. Some labelled 1978-81. Some vegetarian. £2 each, or offers for full collection.

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            • #7
              i read in an Aberdeen news paper a few years back that some old lady had lost £20, this was a normal sized feature, a few days later there was a report that the £20 had been found. it was in the living room
              instagram.com/vinylhoard

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              • #8
                Originally posted by eric-adams View Post
                i read in an Aberdeen news paper a few years back that some old lady had lost £20, this was a normal sized feature, a few days later there was a report that the £20 had been found. it was in the living room
                This is actually football code. Aberdeen FC player transfer-related.

                A few days later there would have been a picture of a bemused looking Englishman in an AFC top holding a pen over a blank sheet of paper.
                https://oneboxrecordfair.wordpress.com/
                http://twitter.com/#!/obrftokyo
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                Formerly, lecturer at the University of Rome, with two commas and a full stop in the normal way.

                (=^ェ^=)

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                • #9
                  The best local story I have ever read in a local newspaper was in the Stornoway Gazette - it was in the paper when I lived there, so around 1982 / 1983. I have just googled for it but couldn't find anything for it at all.

                  The jist of it was that an unnamed patient in the local hospital had sustained some nasty burns to the groin area after trying to open a packet of biscuits. This gent had had some problem with his hands and had had surgery on both of them which meant that they were both bandaged up. One day he fancied a biscuit from the unopened packet that a kindly visitor had left for him but try as he might he couldn't get them open with his combination of two bandaged hands and teeth so he decided to improvise. He put a lighter in his mouth and managed to get it lit with his hands and then tried to burn the packet of biscuits open. He then executes a brilliant combination of dropping the biscuits in his lap and setting fire to the bandages on his hands - he then proceeds to beat out the flames in his lap with his flaming hands - I think this might have gone on for a minute or so until help arrived.... the bloke was OK I think - not sure how the biscuits fared!
                  "..hole...road...middle thereof"

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                  • #10
                    http://www.thisiskent.co.uk/Super-Gr...ail/story.html
                    http://www.blaxploitation.com
                    Chops for show, groove for dough.

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                    • #11
                      I love this type of stuff, reminds me of the "Yokel news" clips in Big daddy/Grandslam.
                      "Hangin' out with you two is like partying with Fugazi"

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                      • #12
                        My favourite was a quadraplegic bloke in Northern Spain who drove a sort of mobile bed operated with his teeth. After a night getting pissed with his mates he decided to visit a brothel and was stopped by police at 11 pm going the wrong way up a motorway. He went on to sue the local council for not signposting the feeder lane properly.
                        Vardy.....¡¡¡PELIGRO!!!

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                        • #13
                          ?!

                          Loads of non-stories like this in my parents' local newspaper, The Forester.

                          My favourite went something like ... concerned motorists called the police because some sheep were blocking the road. But by the time the police arrived - the sheep had vanished!

                          Intriguingly, almost surreally banal.

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                          • #14
                            "Record Collection Destroyed in Fire" http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/n...n_fire/?ref=mr

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by bongolia View Post
                              "Record Collection Destroyed in Fire" http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/n...n_fire/?ref=mr
                              I suppose by this board's standards, that barely constitutes a collection!
                              "Jumping cues and making haste just ain't my cup of meat"

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