Deciphering record lists

[Hadrian Elephant]

Whilst lazing around on Sunday reading through some old record lists (ah the exciting life I lead&#33 and going through the usual hyped up descriptions of average tunes, I thought that there should be a translation for common dealer phrases to help the inexperienced collector.

Here are a few I've come up with:

The US Hip Hop producers are going crazy for this! Drums for days/somebodies got to sample this!
= There is not one decent track on the whole LP

Getting attention at the moment, buy it cheap now before it goes massive. Just remember what happened to '......' (insert name of track that was hugely popular last year and now can't be purchased for less than the price of a second hand car)
= The dealer has found five 100 count boxes in the drummers garage.

Could it be Hawkshaw?
= I think we all know the answer to this one.

Sounds just like Placebo!
= A dire 70's rock/jazz fusion record

It's massive for Keb = It's a sub-standard disco record he's played once at Madame Jo Jo's

Well that's some off the top of my head, can anybody think of any more?

[theeman]

ill / sick
= ...and unlikely to recover

didn't somebody sample this?
= no they didn't

be quick!
= because i've got a bucketload of these and need the shelf space for something good

loft classic
= no, not THAT Loft

library
= mostly shit

NM-
= VG-

reggae
= knackered

slight ring wear
= completely knackered

[Matt Hero]

[insert name] was in 'The Mohawks'.

Names I've seen (apart from those which I believe to be correct) include : Johnny Pearson, Nick Ingman, Brian Bennett, Emma Bunton (with her brothers Buju & Pato).

Ok, I made up the last one.

[sermad]

New Discovery
= First time someone has offered it to you to sell on commission.

As heard on Giles Petersons radio show
= Classic played it once while you were tuned in that time you were stuck in traffic.

[Rich Hero]

cheesecake
= let's face it, you're not interested in the music so I'll just send the sleeve...

[Rich Hero]

And, just in from **********

"Bet you will all be hunting for this record now."
= we buy them for a fiver on eBay and sell them for £45

[Yemsky]

Quote[/b] (Hadrian Elephant @ April 19 2004,13:14)]Whilst lazing around on Sunday reading through some old record lists...

Were you reading a Mark O'S. / Resolution list by any chance?

[pokester]

so indemand by japanese = cheesy crap record you can't find any other term for

[pokester]

belgian style breaks = I found a rock fusion lp I want to get rid of ....

[Rich Hero]

visually graded
= I played it and it sounds like the Aphex Twin DJing with sandpaper again.

[Hadrian Elephant]

Here are a few more.....

This type of sound is becoming very popular
= I just can't find the records I want in the states anymore, so I am forced to buy up all of the things I'd previously dismissed as being too slow/too fast/too disco/tuneless second-rate tosh

A big favourite of 'insert name of popular DJ here'
= It was number 12 in their chart in the Straight No Chaser from Spring/Summer 1996 I was reading on the bog the other day.

[Benicio Del Toffo]

Fuck! I've been rumbled!



I'll have to be more original next time out!

But they DID sound like Placebo - honest!!

[Rich Hero]

Forgot one from the weekend...

Shirley Ellis 'Soul time/WaitinÂ’
= Shirley Ellis 'Never Will Forget/Told You So'

[theeman]

massive hip-hop pressure on this one
= crap drummer who can't keep up with the rest of the band

funky
= not funky

killer
= average

[wayne]

Very Good condition
= more skips than a kangaroo with a winning lottery ticket

Break!
= two seconds of drum fill in an ocean of AOR synths

BREAKS!!!
= any rubbish 70s prog/metal LP with a drum solo on it

UK ONLY BREAKS!!!
= Leo Muller

Still in Shrink!!!
= LP has a few shreds of cellophane hanging off one corner

RARE!
= come on, there's got to be someone out there who hasn't got multiples of this one...

ULTRA RARE!!
= only found three of these at last weekend's booter

UBER-RARE!!
= only two copies turn up on ebay most weeks