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Stupid questions

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  • Stupid questions

    Firstly I'm drunk, so forgive any spelling mistakes/gramatical errors

    Me & my mate Rodders were playing records in our local pub 'The Lime Tree' tonight when a pissed girl came up to us and said:

    Can you play any 80's?

    Me: Well Rodders is playing De La Soul now. Thats from the 80's

    Her: No, something I know

    Me: What like Keith Harris & Orville, I Wish I cOULD fLY? Thats from the 80's

    Rodders: Or Aggadoo by Black Lace? Thats from the 80's too

    Her: No, like the Supremes

    Us: ? Bring us an 80's recorded Supremes record and we will gladly play it.

    Anyone else had any similarly stupid requests while playing records?
    He also contributed songs for the Jim Henson movie vehicle 'Muppets From Space'.

  • #2
    yeah "can ya play suumat by Cliff Richards (that bit always gets me) ya know that 'Two Tribes' one?.......
    sweet fookin' baby moses!!!!!!
    it has to be said that at this point the exit /bar seemed an extremely enticing proposition.
    derelicts of dialect


    • #3
      Got anything from the 70s?

      Yes, this.

      Yeah, but what about something new from the 70s?


      • #4
        "Play something everyone will dance too"

        Granted, there are some pretty reliable records etc depending on who you are playing too and where etc,

        but i'd love to know what that mystical record is

        I could have reeled off dozens of such stories but i've clean wiped them from my mental hard disc so i don't get depressed


        • #5
          One of my favourites:

          drunk girl: Everybody likes jazz but...

          Me: This isn´t jazz

          DG: Oh, Whatever, could you play some classics?

          Me: Classics? Like what?

          DG: Er, I dunno, you know, some classics

          Me: But I don´t know what you mean, everyone likes different things, can´t you give me an example to help me?

          DG: I don´t know, just play some classics

          ...... and so It went on for five more minutes  

          And this request too:

          A Guy comes up to me,starts looking through my records (cheeky bastard&#33 and asks:

          " Can´t you play something good like scooter or that angels song?"



          • #6
            Hadrian,Nick,Towny and Boon  
            Keep 'em commin' the more i read 'em the more i end up laughing mesel' silly.
            derelicts of dialect


            • #7
              Divvy Girly - "Can you play some Disco"

              Me (playing "you're a star" by Aquarian dream) - "I am !"

              DG (Looks at record spinning round, looks at me as if i am taking the piss) - "Play some Disco then"

              Me (Now playing "Underwater" Harry Thuman) - "???"

              DG now accompanied by a 7ft tall German mullett boy looking angry cos this has been going on all evening and the Divvy Girl is getting more & more Vodka & Redbull inside her tiny mind - "You vill play zome dizco muzik for zis Lady !"

              Me (Less my rag by now) - "I'm fooking playing disco and have been for the past hour !!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!"

              Mullett boy (getting threatening) - "Zis iz not true"

              Me - find a record kicking about under the decks, put it on (It's "Love to love you baby" !!!!!!!!!! !!!!! They both look at me like i'm retarded) i pack up my records and leave 40 minutes before i am meant too............................................... ...............


              • #8
                On a similar note, do you notice that once behind record decks people tend to act over familar towards you?

                Now I'm just a piss poor Bumpkin who scrapes a living by selling childrens bags and does the (very) odd bit of DJing as a hobby, but last night as I was starting, one of the Barmaids came up to me and was like 'Go on, rock it, roll another fat one...blah blah'. I replied 'I'm only playing records you know' and she looked at me as if I should have said 'yeah check this one out, it's massive on the terrace at space, big in my box right now, Tongys been caneing it'.

                I even had it walking to the pub.

                I was carrying with a record box that had a dodgy catch and kept springing open. As I was struggling down the road I passed two 'geezers' about 20ish. One said 'what are you mixing up mate?' I was like 'What?' He started moving his hands about in a Dave double decks manner. I replied 'oh what music do I play?' He was like 'Thats right, hard house yeah?' to which I said 'No Country & Western - Jim Reeves and Boxcar Willie mostly'

                I'm not suggesting that nobody should talk to you if you are carrying or playing records, but why does everybody assume you are a Paul Oakenfold in the making and expect a 5 minute conversation on Goa Trance/Electroclash/fill in name of dance music genre here?
                He also contributed songs for the Jim Henson movie vehicle 'Muppets From Space'.


                • #9
                  By the way - Boon and Mundays Child, you are really going to have to make a decision over who uses the Alan Partridge avatar

                  It confuses the hell out of board posters like me with little brains - I have to check back as to who wrote what
                  He also contributed songs for the Jim Henson movie vehicle 'Muppets From Space'.


                  • #10
                    Guys, this is great, it show's my missus that i'm not the only sad bastard the wrong side of 30 who like's nothin' better than chinwaggin' with some other chap's about honestly sometimes she looks at me with a mixture of pity and sadness
                    but by god she knows i get summat from it all, and so let's me do my thang!, i love it! and love this board!.
                    right, ring likcin' out the way!
                    bloody hell Hadrian mate yer right! Mr Boon sir, i call you a cad (you cad sir&#33 and demand a duell to the death-sherbert dips to be drawn at sunrise, this town 'aint big enough ect ect ect......
                    derelicts of dialect


                    • #11
                      My friend's brother has a weekly DJing gig at some local bar and it's pretty much anything goes. Anyway, it was 80's nite not too long ago and he ended up dropping Paul Hardcastle's '19' in his set....I guess some chic was so excited about it that she actually tipped him. How's that for appreciation?

                      Sadly, I have yet to get myself a DJing gig anywhere. It seems that the ole addage, 'it's not what you know but who you know' holds true. Got any tips on how to land myself a regular DJing spot. Mixtapes? CD's?


                      • #12
                        Having held down a 13 year weekly residence (something I'm still not sure whether to be immensely proud or ashamed of...), I feel like I've experienced every stupid question going. I thought the "Can you play some funk?" while playing James Brown "Get On The Good Foot" was bad. Until another week someone asked "Can you play some James Brown?" while I was PLAYING James Brown!

                        The "mythical" record you are enquiring about is "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. Every DJ box should have a copy in a glass box with "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY' on the front... Are there any serious deep funk cover versions? Loads of Sly Stone, James Brown etc. got covered, but Blooblo is the only "heavy" version I've heard. Hmmm, separate thread perhaps.
                        There MUST be a Hymns-A-Swingin' in this box...


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by [b
                          Quote[/b] (Mr Divine @ 20 July 2003,21:02)]The "mythical" record you are enquiring about is "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. Every DJ box should have a copy in a glass box with "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY' on the front... Are there any serious deep funk cover versions? Loads of Sly Stone, James Brown etc. got covered, but Blooblo is the only "heavy" version I've heard. Hmmm, separate thread perhaps.
                          Agree on the superstition, also would like to add (for the type of places we are talking about here) -

                          Chic - Good times
                          Sister sledge - Thinking of you

                          God bless ya Bernard !

                          Lyn collins - Think

                          If they don't make anyone dance or at least put a smile on folks faces me the door


                          • #14
                            TSK! tips!, from birds too! eh? what the fook's that all about then?, the only tip's i got when playin' rekkids were "clear yer fookin' mess oop after" and "nay fookin' drinks near 't' lectric"
                            never worked that one out and the best one "when big fookin' Dave starts chookin' oot those fookin' squaddies, dive straight for 't' fookin' exit lad!" beleive me these are true.
                            Big Dave was a right big 'fooker tho' 'an no mistake, the bugger looked like a cross 'tween George fookin' Hamilton the third an fookin' Frankenstein.
                            derelicts of dialect


                            • #15
                              Forgot to mention that Big Dave now no longer works at the afore mentioned establishment, due to the fact that he left to persue a 'career' in fookin' showbiz, the daft big fooker only tried to audition for the new film but unfortunately on application he was informed that in fact the would be "a computer generated model" he, understandably was slightly peeved 'an the big fooker's pea sized brain worked itself into a fookin' frenzy 'an 'ee proceeded to rip into 'an i quote, "fookin' girly fookin' compooter fookin' slag bastaaaad fookin' bollocky foookin' wank bastaads don't know what the fookin' ell there a bunch 'o' fookin' faggotty squaddy faggots" during all this tho' i stayed fookin' shtum' as a few 'o' me mates wi me (who know full well that i dabble with computers and other fookin' girly persuit's) were ictchin' to say summat to Big Dave about me, luckily my terrified look's towards them seemed to have the desired effect 'an another fookin' embarrasin' night in casualty was swiftly averted!. after that little outburst, Big Dave left 'an we never saw 'im again we bid 'im fond farewell wi' fookin' tears in 'us eye's,'an truth be told we kinda missed the daft big fooker!. month;'s later one 'o' the lad's came back from a drink 'n' bonk holiday in fookin' Ibiza 'an tell's us he'd been lordin' it oop in fookin' Manumission,
                              now i know they let any old fookin' knobcheese and riff raff in there of a night, but the fookin' scary bit was "aye 'an fookin guess who's on 't' fookin' door?-PAUSE- Big fookin' Dave ". Apparently with a fookin' tan like he'd bin' dipped in fookin' creosote an drippin' in the most fookin horrendous gold jewlery!!!, foookin' elll proper fookin' bo i reckon. Big Dave this shout go's 'oot to you mate Viva e fookin' spania, heh heh
                              look 'oot if you go to Manu fookin' mission the big fooker on the door could be my mate 'Big Dave'.
                              derelicts of dialect